Nov 20, 2011

{the roles we fall into}

Jordan and I have been reading "Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts" by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott. We really like this book so far, and today we read the chapter about myth one: "We Expect Exactly the Same Things from Marriage."

We each have unspoken roles and rules that we need to discuss and work through together so that little annoyances and problems don't turn into major issues.

Jordan and I have dealt with this very thing in our own marriage. There are roles I naturally assume and things I just expect him to take care of because that is how I watched it being done through my own parents' marriage. What we decided to do was identify the unconscious roles we fall into.

Here is our list:

Jordan's                             Alli's
navigator                          planner/scheduler
money manager               shopper
problem solver                 cleaner
comedian                          organizer/decorator
doctor                                gift buyer
leader                                 cook
secret keeper                     hostess

Do you think this sounds like us?

We also made a list of rules we want to follow. We both came up with five rules that were important to us, and now we have 10 things written down that we have committed to as a couple. Some of them are as as simple as 'always be on time' and 'wash the dishes after they have been used', but they are still important principles that will create a less stressful life and a healthier marriage.

I highly recommend this exercise for every engaged or married couple.


  1. I totally think this sounds like you guys. I don't think this is engendered stereotypes either. It is merely a realistic assessment of your strengths. There are couples where I would push back if they came up with this same list. But this sounds spot on. One question though, who is the spontaneous one? I feel like if I really knew you two I should know....

  2. I'm SO glad you're reading this! Aaron and Joce swear by this book and I've found myself watching the Parrott's hilariously cheesy videos from time to time.

    I love your self assessment. Jordan as problem solver, doctor and secret keeper sound spot on, as does you as the planner, cleaner and hostess!

    And I agree with Zach - those are your strengths and reasons why I love you two so much! :) What would an event be without Allicat planning? (AKA, freshman year dinners in Baldwin after a 20-person mass text!)

  3. Thanks guys, I'm glad you both agree! Beth, you know me so well. And I was the ultimate planner in our friend group freshman year haha! So funny. Those mass texts took forever to do.

  4. I agree with the roles you listed for yourselves. When you have kids someday you will have to revisit this and figure those out too...disciplinarian, comforter, fun-maker (haha I made that word up) etc. Also doesn't hurt to keep in mind that over the years, your roles may need to change or will automatically change as you grow and have different responsibilities through the years. Mom


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